If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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