Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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