I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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