apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
