you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
