I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
