Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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