i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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