We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
