my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
