Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
