The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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