...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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