as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
