I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
