I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
