i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
