im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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