we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
