you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
