Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
FUCK WHALES
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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