Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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