Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
