I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
