i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
