We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
