I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
