My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
