also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
