Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!