its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.