Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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