the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize