If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
