A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
