I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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