ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
