party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Im part way to drunk.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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