Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
