Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
