I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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