So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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