Dude my mom stole all your condoms
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize