i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
