You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
