im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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