i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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