The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
