It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
