no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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