At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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