I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
