so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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