You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And my parents said I crawled through the house
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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