I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
