Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
