We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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