Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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