I CAN MOONWALK!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
