Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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