Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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