Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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