oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
