No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
