I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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