i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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