I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
